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I always bring up this topic with him and he always says no to this. He thinks its disrespectful seeing his wife sucking his penis or him going down under me. Tell me what should i do to convince him?
You don’t. You can never force someone to perform sexual activity that they don’t want to do. Further, you shouldn’t want sexual activity that your sexual partner isn’t willingly participating in. That’s not a fun or bonding time, but a chore and resentment on the unwilling partner and the forcing partner is simply using their partner as a masturbatory method instead of a partner.
Have you discussed the issue with him in depth and without any pressure? To gauge how he feels and why, not to “get” him to perform oral sex? Perhaps it stems from sexual violence in his past? Or maybe from a previous relationship with someone who wasn’t keen on cleanliness or had undiagnosed BV of which no one kindly informed the poor woman and now assumes that all vagina is not tasty and is very smelly. Keeping an open mind and compassionate empathy is a requirement for the conversation, since you are the person who chose to marry a man who doesn’t like oral sex.
Do you keep things neat down there? Not shaved bald, though it is a good way to keep hairs out of the mouth of the person munching (no one is thrilled flossing with pubes), but trimmed up to be easily managed and to reduce hair in unwanted places? If you like to be all natural and let the forest grow wild and free many people won’t be into scouting the jungle to find the treasure buried within. By all means, keep it the way you are comfortable with, but do realize that it reduces the amount of people willing to get in there. I don’t go down on men or women who don’t trim it to a controlled point; not my thing at all. I let the partner know when it is discussed then the ball is in their court. I don’t normally shave, but I don’t usually let it go free either, which is my fiance’s preference anyway (says the bald look is fine if I like it, but the hair is his preference for the less childlike appearance).
You could find out he doesn’t want to do it simply because he’s selfish and uncaring of the best methods to bring women to orgasm and prep for sex. He may be unaware of the benefit from it most women get, but be willing to if he’s informed. He may not care, though. Some men are opposed to the act as they feel like it’s degrading them, due to the degradation of male sexual activity (such as “suck my dick” “cocksucker” “suck my/these nuts) and misogyny in general.
If that’s the case you’ll know that you are not sexually compatible with him. You’ll need to decide what to do with that. Do you place high priority on oral sex? Is it a deal breaker? Can you forgo any oral for the rest of your life? Are you compatible in other ways? Is he selfish in other ways?
Personally, I’d never be with a partner who is not into oral. I love both giving and receiving, so not getting or giving it is a deal breaker. If you are similar; why would you decide to get hitched to him in the first place? Never get into a relationship with the hope to change them; you’ll either fail or cause resentment and strain.
You should be yourself and he should be himself. That’s what you should want for both.
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